I have really, really felt like a drink at points this afternoon. But I’m all ‘Fuck off, Wolfie’ and have dived back into my blog and reading some old posts has helped my willpower.
I have been doing really well in my mostly sober-ness. Had a few glasses of wine on our camping trip two weeks ago, no plans to drink this weekend or for a while. I have developed a strict rule about not drinking at home which is proving pretty effective, because I barely ever go out! Over the last three months, I have only drank on three occasions and only 2-3 glasses. Prior to that, I religiously drank half a bottle of wine three nights a week, 3/4 of a bottle on both weekend nights and maybe had two nights where I was ‘not drinking’ – with some difficulty.
The problem with not being entirely sober is that it is more difficult, because I do the ‘thinking about drinking’ thing in a way that I probably wouldn’t if I was entirely sober, as it wouldn’t be an option. The door is kept open a crack – Wolfie can slip in more easily. So this blog is a way to try to keep myself accountable and not slip back into my regular drinking ways.
I guess I just want to be one of those people who rarely drinks but enjoys a glass when they do. I’ve literally never been able to understand those people and have always viewed ‘light’ drinkers with a sense of awe and confusion – such restraint! How do they manage? I think the answer is that they just don’t do too much thinking about drinking at all. They can genuinely take it or leave it. Now that’s a goal.
But I’m not sure that is entirely realistic for someone who has spent a lifetime as a massive boozer. But I’m trying and so far it is working.
I bloody love waking up sober. I like trying to find different ways to manage my stress. I like the feeling of overall greater healthiness that being sober brings. I feel good.
Til next time x